Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I need some Ketchup and how fast!

Man oh man, life happened and then it happened again! I thought I would be so good and would be a postin fool but I had to eat my words because I posted and then disappeared. If anyone is still out there a readin' my slop you are truly my friends who have stuck around and waited so patiently for me to get my ketchup a going. Thank you!

Let's see how much I can cram into this one bitty posting...

Where I left off last - oh ya - I'd headed out to California last year for Leadership. I stayed a few days with my dad and visited my grandma while I was there as well.

Can I just say that it was sweet visit with my grandma? I over heard her saying her morning prayers one day and was so touched as she sat on the edge of her bed with her head bowed praying to be "a better mother, grandmother and friend". I thought of my own life and was I praying to be "a better wife, mother and friend"? As my dear friend Cheryl would say: A small "spoonful of the gospel" was fed to me that morning and I have tried to take note and follow the example that was shown me.

After my visit I headed off to my Leadership conference. Convention and Leadership are the highlights of the year - so much fun!!! I get to see my dear friends, see all the new products and make a few crafts - it's just the best! We get spoiled with gifts and the food is amazing! This year we had the most decadent chocolate desert - it was just chocolate death to die for!

But alas all good things come to an end and before I knew it it was time to head back home. While it is always good to be home I knew that I would not be home for long and that my life would soon be changing. For if you remember, my oldest daughter Kara was accepted to BYU and would be heading off for college within just a few weeks of my return from Leadership. Getting her ready to head off to college was a hoot! We took several shopping trips to buy groceries and much needed items for her dorm room - packing it all into the car was the trick and boy did we pack it in there! We set off early in the morning as we planned to make the trip in one day. Can I just say that I do not enjoy the drive to Utah from where we live? It is just so boring and much of it you just see dirt blowing around. One thing that I did though enjoy was that we were able to spot so many temples along the way. So many have been built since I last made this trip via car and I'd not realized just how many stood out like beacons on the hilltops. Truly a magnificent sight to behold!
We spent the week at my aunts house while we got Kara set up in her dorm room, with her new orthodontist etc. It was a great week until it was time to come home. I actually was pretty proud of myself for keeping it together and not bawling my head off as we left Kara at the Y - and I probably would have done just fine but as we headed out that morning for home I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed how empty the car was now and Jessie chimed in "just think in another couple of years we'll be doing this for me too" and that was it - I just started bawling and I cried off and on again the rest of the ride home.
Of course life goes on and we learn to pick ourselves back up and keep moving as the pioneers did long ago. But the pain I feel for the loss of my child - knowing full well that she's still here but she's just not HERE - that pain is real. I knew that college would be the best experience for her and that it would stretch her and help her to become the wonderful woman that she is destined to become. That bright hope is the light at the end of my dark tunnel - the thing that makes it all bearable. Knowing it is for the best and meant to be. She is missed. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, miss her keen sense of humor or absentmindedly sent a plate for her at the table. Someday there WILL be another plate that we will have to take away for Jessie as she too will head off to college and then for Aaron - but for now I'm grateful for the comfort of seeing those plates on my dinner table each night.

4 comments:

  1. you are truly an amazing example already and such a wonderful mother. I am sure you children will grow up and look back and realize how much of an influence you've had on them.

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  2. I'm still here, and so glad to have seen a post on my reader! Always so fun to read your posts. Tell Jessie congrats on the license and hello to Kara. Miss you, my friend!

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  3. I agree with Brittany. I know I've definitely realized the influence you've had on me. I am who I am today because of you, Mom.

    Love you!

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  4. oh thank you! I feel like a failure most of the time - but I am TRULY blessed for the children Heavenly Father sent to me! THEY are the ones who are AMAZING! Thank you all though for being my friends! Even you Kara - for you are my best friend! I love you!!

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